Everything & Anything

A look, a gesture - that's all it takes to bring the joy. It gallops through you, leaving in it's dizzy, weavy wake, a warm tickle. And you smile, or try not to; some things need to be kept to yourself. We love with our hearts, with our bodies and with our souls. Do we love with our minds? With our heads? I think not, for the mind and the body are the brakes for our errant and often spontaneous emotions that render our hearts, bodies and soul unruly. In love (or in lust), in joy (or in anger or sorrow) we act like fools, like the leaf blown off the tree by a gentle autumn breeze and then ripped violently away by stronger currents on its journey of death (or rebirth), dancing crazily and merrily on,with no mind to its certain end. So, do we stop our emotions? Do we tether heart, body and soul to the stolid and staid regime of the head and mind so that we may never experience the dizzying dance that may be our ruination or our salvation?

What do you do with the hurt and the pain? What do you say to the one for whom you once felt a love so strong you feared the force of it?  How do you tell them, how will they know, that you are no longer whole?  Professions of love accompanied by betrayals so deep, and the sense that there's a supernova in your soul; the spectacular death of the sun that was your love. How will you survive? And in its wake,  in the place were your heart should be - a black hole. Will the repetitions of piteous and seemingly sincere "sorry baby. I never meant to hurt you" be enough for a rebirth? Can your heart heal, even though it has been incinerated by the coldness of indifference and the levity of cruelty? Even the ashes cannot be found; all dissipated, forever gone.  And so, unlike the Phoenix, unable to rise again.  Now, you are cold, dead inside. You want to love, you want to feel.  You try, a concerted effort at mimicking the love you remember; the memories are brig...

Most mornings I wake up with the resolve to be a better person. I tell myself that today, I will not think about the hurts of yesterday, that I will not allow the crazy drivers make me swear, that I will not react to the negativity thrown my way. The days I remember to pray (which, unfortunately are not as many as they should be!) I earnestly ask God for strength, patience, joy, peace to make it through that day and to use me as His instrument. I also ask, less earnestly for the spirit of forgiveness. As the day progresses, I do spot checks on my conscience - was I rude to the insufferable customer who thinks that "customer" means "I have to be an asshole to anyone who is providing me a service I am or am not paying for"? No, I was not - I even managed to be nice. Check. Did I go on and on about someone who offended me the day before and has apologized but I am finding it hard to forgive? No.....but I am still miffed! Okay Feyi, work on that. Did someone need my ...

Bobo mi! Your look of shock and denial cracks me up. I have just told you that someday, you will leave home, be on your own and will not remember to call your mom. You are almost in tears, your voice wobbly as you spit out your signature "Never!!!" You are hugging me so tight and refusing to let go. You cannot contemplate that you will not be a "gum-gum" boy forever. And this warms my heart - your inability to see or imagine a life without me in it daily. But a life without me you will have - it is life and it is right. You will be independent, well adjusted and NOT a Mummy's boy. And though I will be exasperated (and a little sad) at your not remembering to call me, I will be proud that you would have grown up to be the wonderful person God wants you to be. I watch you grow and I am thankful to God everyday for the gift of you. You bring me joy always, even when you are being naughty! You are the son of my heart, my baby boy who warms his mother's soul ...