Having a Life
We've probably heard of the term "Get a life", and I am sure we have all chuckled, amused at the person at whom it is directed. I bet we would not be so amused if we were told the same thing!
Mothers & wives are usually so engrossed in the lives of their families - their children in particular - that they do not realize that they have no life of their own. All their friends are either from the PTA or their husbands' friends. Everything, or at least, MOST things in their lives are about family. I am not saying that's a bad thing, but it is a dangerous thing.
Imagine what happens when the children grow up and leave home? These women are at a loss and have nothing left. Hubby has his own life - men NEVER fall into that trap. Maybe it is selfish, but that's the way it is. They have their golf/tennis/squash games; their association meetings, clubs, babes, friends. And none of them are from the PTA!
I have always been an advocate of women making time for non-domestic interests and taking some time out for some "me" time. I have been accused of liking "enjoyment" too much. Maybe. But I am happier for it. A happy woman is a great mother & wife. To the people who try to tell me I am wrong, I always use the example of the safety procedures in an aircraft during a flight. You are always told to fix your own oxygen mask BEFORE helping anyone else, children included. You are of no use to anyone dead, are you?
Same goes for a woman. Of what use are you if you are stressed out, resentful and always tired, angry and sacrificing your happiness just to make your family happy? It's motherhood not martyrdom.
A friend, whom I had advised to take a holiday alone (and had been asked if I were crazy - leave her kids? travel alone?) told me that on disembarking at Heathrow, she had a nagging feeling of having forgotten something but could not think what. It took her a couple more minutes for her to figure out what it was - she was alone. No kids, no husband - just her. She confessed to me she did a tiny victory dance and proceeded to have, for the first time in six or so years, a vacation!
I am not sure there are many women out there who can say that the kids or hubby put their needs first. "Does Mummy/my wife have needs?" they'll probably ask in confusion.
Some women have made their kids their lives. To them I say "Get a life"; some have made their husbands their lives - "Get a life"; some have made their husbands & kids their lives -Please, please "Get a life". The children will grow up, leave home and only call once in a while or when they need you to baby sit. They will visit once in a while, and mostly when it is a matter of convenience. They mean no harm - they are just living their own lives (and how often do you see your own parents now?) And when this happens, where will you be?
I have a life. I ADORE my children, but they are being taught that Mummy has her life. I love my husband but he knows that while I will do everything possible to make him happy, I have my life, my own friends (NOT from the PTA and not his friends) and my hobbies and interests are diverse and not just about our life together. Hence my solo trips or trips with one friend or the other.
Definitely this view is neither traditional nor religious but probably selfish, but it has served me well.
What say you?
Mothers & wives are usually so engrossed in the lives of their families - their children in particular - that they do not realize that they have no life of their own. All their friends are either from the PTA or their husbands' friends. Everything, or at least, MOST things in their lives are about family. I am not saying that's a bad thing, but it is a dangerous thing.
Imagine what happens when the children grow up and leave home? These women are at a loss and have nothing left. Hubby has his own life - men NEVER fall into that trap. Maybe it is selfish, but that's the way it is. They have their golf/tennis/squash games; their association meetings, clubs, babes, friends. And none of them are from the PTA!
I have always been an advocate of women making time for non-domestic interests and taking some time out for some "me" time. I have been accused of liking "enjoyment" too much. Maybe. But I am happier for it. A happy woman is a great mother & wife. To the people who try to tell me I am wrong, I always use the example of the safety procedures in an aircraft during a flight. You are always told to fix your own oxygen mask BEFORE helping anyone else, children included. You are of no use to anyone dead, are you?
Same goes for a woman. Of what use are you if you are stressed out, resentful and always tired, angry and sacrificing your happiness just to make your family happy? It's motherhood not martyrdom.
A friend, whom I had advised to take a holiday alone (and had been asked if I were crazy - leave her kids? travel alone?) told me that on disembarking at Heathrow, she had a nagging feeling of having forgotten something but could not think what. It took her a couple more minutes for her to figure out what it was - she was alone. No kids, no husband - just her. She confessed to me she did a tiny victory dance and proceeded to have, for the first time in six or so years, a vacation!
I am not sure there are many women out there who can say that the kids or hubby put their needs first. "Does Mummy/my wife have needs?" they'll probably ask in confusion.
Some women have made their kids their lives. To them I say "Get a life"; some have made their husbands their lives - "Get a life"; some have made their husbands & kids their lives -Please, please "Get a life". The children will grow up, leave home and only call once in a while or when they need you to baby sit. They will visit once in a while, and mostly when it is a matter of convenience. They mean no harm - they are just living their own lives (and how often do you see your own parents now?) And when this happens, where will you be?
I have a life. I ADORE my children, but they are being taught that Mummy has her life. I love my husband but he knows that while I will do everything possible to make him happy, I have my life, my own friends (NOT from the PTA and not his friends) and my hobbies and interests are diverse and not just about our life together. Hence my solo trips or trips with one friend or the other.
Definitely this view is neither traditional nor religious but probably selfish, but it has served me well.
What say you?
Aunty Feyi,
ReplyDeleteIm banning Tosin from reading your blog :-)
Lekan Lawal