Everything & Anything

Merriam-Webster has 5 definitions for the noun 'friend'. The ones that I prefer are "one attached to another by AFFECTION or esteem" and "a FAVOURED COMPANION". A common synonym for friend is 'acquaintance' but is defined as "having personal knowledge : FAMILIAR" and as "a person whom one knows but is not a particularly close friend". For most of us, the latter definition of "acquaintance" is the context in which we understand and use the word. Personally, I cannot really substitute the terms 'friend' and 'acquaintance' as the latter lacks the depth found in the former. My "dictionary" definition of a friend would then be "A favoured companion, attached to me (or vice versa) by affection or esteem." In my own words? A true friend is someone you can tell your darkest secrets and your deepest fears and KNOW that s/he will never judge you and neither use what they know against you no...

To my Darling Daughter, By the time you read this letter, I may or may not still be here - that's up to our Creator. If I am, then you can ask me more questions and I hope I will have the answers; if I am not here, then I hope that the answers to whatever questions you may have can be found in the things I have not said but have implied. You came into my life at a time I believed I would not be blessed with you. I had thought that the joy and love you would bring was never to be mine - it was a fate I was just beginning to accept. And then, God, whose ways are canny and unclear, sent you to me. Like a gentle breeze, you swept away the cobwebs of my loneliness. And from the first day I saw you, and until the day I die, I will always thank the good Lord for the gift of you. You have brought me untold joy, abundant love and many moments of wonder. I hold you in my arms and the sheer wonder of having you moves me to tears. What will my life be like without you? I pray the good Lor...

You look back and you realize. Not only are you alone but where the path used to be, there's nothing - how did that happen? Where's the person you were with? You don't panic, not yet, leastways. Going back, is it you, or everything seems unfamiliar; did you ever notice that or THAT? And was this here? Hmm. And whatever happened to the person you were with? Like a horror movie, things get worse. The path you took has disappeared, leaving in its wake a shaky bridge made of some indistinct material, stretched precariously across a gorge and on the other side stands your erstwhile companion. In the deepening shadows, your companion seems....different, somehow. You should get back to them but, wait, do they need you? They seem just fine and, are they really who you think they are? And they do not seem to notice you're no longer together. No matter how shaky that bridge looks, you should at least TRY to cross back to be with your companion. So, you step a little closer and...

What do you say to a person who has stolen from you - not money or material things, no. Your dreams, your hopes, your life? What do you tell such a person? What CAN you tell them that will bring all of it back or make you feel better? Is that person any better than a thief who comes to rob, maim or kill? Ah, we are all shocked, wondering where all of this is coming from and where I am going. It comes from the stories I hear of physically battered women, emotionally shattered men, and all the people in between who have had their dreams crushed, hope taken away from them, and been hurt and betrayed by the people who are supposed to love and protect them; parents, lovers, spouses, friends, children. I hope and pray I am not guilty of this. What about you?

Disappoint - to fail to meet the expectation or hope of Disappointed - defeated in expectation or hope Disappointment - the state or emotion of being disappointed.  All definitions taken from www.merriam-webster.com. So. Who has not felt disappointment? I do not know anyone who hasn't. Even babies, though they may not understand it, experience disappointment - the newborn hopes that it's skin will not be exposed even though a change of diaper is needed; it is disappointed - mummy fails to meet that hope because she has no intention of leaving a stinky diaper in place. By age 2, disappointment  is a familiar human emotion as the toddler, by its very nature, always expects and hopes to get anything he or she wants, which at that age is everything s/he sets her/his sights on. And do those expectations get met, those hopes realized? No, not if the parents and care givers are intent on raising a well mannered and adjusted human! As the human child grows, her path to adulthood...

Today, I thought of how my life has turned out and I got to thinking of all the things I'd prayed for and how God did not answer some of those prayers. And, all I could think was, "Thank you God for NOT answering those prayers!" Some were crazy, others downright stupid. Many were silly, probably shallow. But one stands out. I wanted children so much after I got married - wanted to have them early, by the time I was 30 (I was 25 and a half when I got married) so that at 40, my kids would be teenagers at the very least and I would be this hip Mom. I prayed and reminded God almost everyday for the first 6 years of my marriage. He did not answer me. I decided not to ask anymore - I figured He had decided no kids for me. Fast forward, first to 2007 (exactly 14 years after my hubby and I had our engagement ceremony) and the arrival of our precious daughter, whose name represents the faith of everyone but mine and the arrival of our equally precious son 18 months later; and se...

Last week, I had a very interesting conversation with a few friends and acquaintances, men and women, all married (but not to each other). The conversation centred around extra-marital affairs and the reasons they happen. The men mostly held that a man having an affair was not as big a deal as women made it out to be - the man did not love his wife any less and the affairs are mostly about sex. My question then was "If a man is getting sex from his wife, whenever and however he wants it, would he still have an affair?" The answer was "probably" and jokes were made about how it was hard for a man to resist the lure of variety. Imagine the outrage of the females present - were the men implying that the human male was no different from animals and lacked restraint? And what was that crap about not loving their wives any less? So, why would a woman have an affair? For affection and attention - sex was simply a side effect. Also, for revenge, for all the pain she has ...

The pressures, oh, the pressures of being a Nigerian woman. And, no, it is not in the juggling of careers, family and personal dreams; rather, it is in the matter of fashion and grooming! Compared to the Nigerian woman, the peacock, even with the "gloriousness" of his plumage is dowdy and badly turned out! From the top of her "weave" through her ruthlessly colour-coded outfit to the tips of her false toe nails, the "Naija" babe (and "babe" does not connote "young") is meticulously turned out. I have gone from dowdy to "fairly-funky-and-sometimes-sexy" in the space of 12 or so years. And it was because the pressures of being judged by other women that did it! That galls, but, hey, I'm cuter for it, so..... Being invited for any function is a palpitation inducing occasion. Who's going to be there? What'll everyone be wearing? (by everyone, I mean the other women) You look through your wardrobe - is that designer ba...

"Vengeance is mine" says the Lord. Don't you just sizzle with rage when someone quotes this to you in the middle of a very satisfying rant on how you shall get back at the erstwhile friend/neighbour/family member/colleague/PERSON who has deliberately caused you pain by deeds or words? Well, I do. And not to be disobedient, rude, irreverent or even blasphemous, I say "And I am His instrument!" Yep. Why not? After all, if God is to exact that vengeance, He will use someone or something, so why can't that someone (or something!) be me? I believe in revenge, retribution, justice, vengeance or whatever fancy word people may want to use. I think it is educational and because, in my opinion, until the offender experiences the pain they have set out to cause, they have no real understanding of the magnitude of the effect of their actions. "Learning by Experience" is what I call it. And, revenge really is a dish best served cold.

I never did blog about my trip up Kilimanjaro. Well, I did not kill Kili; Kili killed me! I could not make it to Uhuru Peak (which is at an elevation of over 19,000 feet) but I made it to Kibo Hut, which is at an elevation of over 15,500 feet. I was thoroughly disappointed that altitude sickness got the better of me. My first view of Mount Kilimajaro was from the airplane I was in. It's snow covered peak surrounded by fluffy white clouds stood majestic in its beauty. I must say my heart stopped as I contemplated the challenge I had casually given myself. The only lucid thought I recall having was "Oh God!" The journey up the mountain was a......journey. I found myself asking this over and over - "Feyi, who sent you??" I was not even sure I would make it beyond day 1 and past the first camp! It was an exhilarating experience however - the purity of the mountain air, the amazing views and the sheer awe at God's artistry were a heady combination and they ma...

Despite Chris Brown's issues and troubles, I really like the fellow. he's talented, no doubt and what endears him to me is the fact that his videos are actual music videos with real DANCING going on, not the videos we see of half-naked or almost naked young ladies with hot bods supposedly "dancing" when all they're really doing is just gyrating, which, while very appealing and sensual, is not dancing. Chris Brown's videos have dance sequences, beautifully executed, and actually helps one connect to the lyrics of the song. In this era of "less-is-best," his videos give me hope that there can be videos my children can watch and learn actual dance moves from without my worrying about the sex, sensuality  and nudity that seem to be the norm nowadays. Yeah, maybe I'm just old!!