Affairs
Last week, I had a very interesting conversation with a few friends and acquaintances, men and women, all married (but not to each other). The conversation centred around extra-marital affairs and the reasons they happen.
The men mostly held that a man having an affair was not as big a deal as women made it out to be - the man did not love his wife any less and the affairs are mostly about sex. My question then was "If a man is getting sex from his wife, whenever and however he wants it, would he still have an affair?" The answer was "probably" and jokes were made about how it was hard for a man to resist the lure of variety.
Imagine the outrage of the females present - were the men implying that the human male was no different from animals and lacked restraint? And what was that crap about not loving their wives any less?
So, why would a woman have an affair? For affection and attention - sex was simply a side effect. Also, for revenge, for all the pain she has been caused by her husband's affair or affairs. And, the woman would love her husband less. Why? Because the relationship (affair) would mean something - the lover is giving her what her husband is not. Would a woman have an affair if her husband were giving her the attention she needs? A resounding "No" from the women. Hmmm.
Personally, I think both men and women are in denial. An affair is a walk outside the marriage. You take a walk for a reason - exercise, boredom, retrospection, exploration. Sometimes you do it by chance but often it is a deliberate, even if subconscious, act. It always means something, always has a purpose.
Is an affair, especially by a married woman, justified? According to our society, it is not. I disagree, always have. Then again, I was born a non-conformist and I'm a "sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander kind of girl"! Why should a woman suffer through life, deprived of the love she has a right to, that her husband swore to give her throughout their married lives? She is expected to love "unconditionally" and take all the emotional and physical crap that is thrown her way. Why? And to all those who want to talk about the sanctity of marriage, they should tell that to the men.
Affairs do not always have to be physical, in my opinion. An emotional relationship with the opposite sex (or, in these times, the same sex as your spouse/partner), where "feelings" and "yearnings" are involved is an affair. It means something and takes away from the emotions you previously had for your spouse. And, I suspect that, based on this definition, almost all of us are having affairs! So, before you judge, remember that you're probably just as guilty as the poor person you're about to condemn, of whom you know nothing about their circumstances.
When an affair is physical, MEN, it means something. Even if it's a string of one-night stands. It means you are either dissatisfied or a thrill seeker. Either way, it means something. If it's a regular sexual partner, it means something. If there are several regular partners, it means something.
And LADIES, if you are honest with yourself, you KNOW that the great "side-effect" sex you are having has nothing to do with feelings and more to do with the fact that you're simply human and so need sex. The attention/affection is actually the side effect.
And before y'all bite my head off, remember, I'm just saying......... ;D
The men mostly held that a man having an affair was not as big a deal as women made it out to be - the man did not love his wife any less and the affairs are mostly about sex. My question then was "If a man is getting sex from his wife, whenever and however he wants it, would he still have an affair?" The answer was "probably" and jokes were made about how it was hard for a man to resist the lure of variety.
Imagine the outrage of the females present - were the men implying that the human male was no different from animals and lacked restraint? And what was that crap about not loving their wives any less?
So, why would a woman have an affair? For affection and attention - sex was simply a side effect. Also, for revenge, for all the pain she has been caused by her husband's affair or affairs. And, the woman would love her husband less. Why? Because the relationship (affair) would mean something - the lover is giving her what her husband is not. Would a woman have an affair if her husband were giving her the attention she needs? A resounding "No" from the women. Hmmm.
Personally, I think both men and women are in denial. An affair is a walk outside the marriage. You take a walk for a reason - exercise, boredom, retrospection, exploration. Sometimes you do it by chance but often it is a deliberate, even if subconscious, act. It always means something, always has a purpose.
Is an affair, especially by a married woman, justified? According to our society, it is not. I disagree, always have. Then again, I was born a non-conformist and I'm a "sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander kind of girl"! Why should a woman suffer through life, deprived of the love she has a right to, that her husband swore to give her throughout their married lives? She is expected to love "unconditionally" and take all the emotional and physical crap that is thrown her way. Why? And to all those who want to talk about the sanctity of marriage, they should tell that to the men.
Affairs do not always have to be physical, in my opinion. An emotional relationship with the opposite sex (or, in these times, the same sex as your spouse/partner), where "feelings" and "yearnings" are involved is an affair. It means something and takes away from the emotions you previously had for your spouse. And, I suspect that, based on this definition, almost all of us are having affairs! So, before you judge, remember that you're probably just as guilty as the poor person you're about to condemn, of whom you know nothing about their circumstances.
When an affair is physical, MEN, it means something. Even if it's a string of one-night stands. It means you are either dissatisfied or a thrill seeker. Either way, it means something. If it's a regular sexual partner, it means something. If there are several regular partners, it means something.
And LADIES, if you are honest with yourself, you KNOW that the great "side-effect" sex you are having has nothing to do with feelings and more to do with the fact that you're simply human and so need sex. The attention/affection is actually the side effect.
And before y'all bite my head off, remember, I'm just saying......... ;D
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