Dying....

Do you wonder about how you will die?

I do. I wonder how it will happen. Will it be sudden or will I be fortunate enough to know it is impending and have time to prepare?

I wonder how I will feel - will the process hurt and will I be aware of everything going on? Will I be able to be focused enough to pray for forgiveness or will my thoughts be scattered and untethered from panic and fear?

Will I be glad that I am embarking on that one-way journey that each of us must take, even though I have no real idea of what's beyond the door?

Will I wish that I had cleaned my room or gotten rid of stuff that could cause confusion and pain for those that I will be leaving behind? Are my final thoughts going to be thoughts of acceptance and peace or will they be of the "oh shit" variety?

Will I be sorry that I did not forgive the people who hurt me?


Do you wonder who will miss you?

I don't, not really. Because I know those who will and care not about those who will not.
I wonder about what they will miss about me.
Will they ache to hear my voice, to hear me laugh? Will they miss the things I do; the joy I bring to their lives? Will they wonder if I am okay wherever I have gone?

I wonder and I wait. And pray that I will not find out.....yet.

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