Everything & Anything

I've always been a "local chic" as far as music is concerned - way before it was cool to listen to and prefer local artistes over western artistes, I had a tape of songs of Felix "Loverboy" Lebarty, Bright "Sound Boy" Chimezie and some guy whom I can't remember his name (Ovesi, help me here - the "rapapapa bay-bey" chap??), all recorded from the radio and endlessly danced to in my room. I just loved the local accents and speak being put into lyrics and melodies that were a unique blend of "naija" and western music. Now, with the explosion of the Nigerian music scene, you can only imagine the orgasmic nature of my enjoyment of the vast range and eclectic mix of lyrics, melodies and songs that our budding artistes have produced. I am particularly fond of D'Banj's punchy, raunchy, in-your-face lyrics and style, 9ice's unapologetic "local-ness", Sonny Nneji's beautifully melodious voice rendering words li...

Today, I end one year and begin another. I have so much to be thankful for, so much to look forward to. All my life, God has been with me in everything. Sometimes, I did not see Him or feel His presence, but that would have been because I was too wrapped up in myself or in whatever I was doing wrong or going through to pay attention to His presence. I have had pain - the departure of Opani from this earthly plane being the worst; I have had severe disappointments and setbacks and in those times I sometimes deliberately stepped away from God yet He did not leave me and he showed me how to find joy in everything. I sinned, severally and probably greatly - He stayed right there with me, disappointed but steadfast. Everything I have been through in my forty-two years have been for good. I will not be the Feyi I am today without my experiences, adventures and escapades and for that, I thank God. I have very few regrets and for that I believe I am blessed. He has answered my prayers - mi...

Elections in Nigeria come up next year. For some reason (I forget, IF I EVER KNEW!!!) our jobless lawmakers wanted to move elections to January from March/April (is that correct?) Of course, that meant INEC got some huge amount for "electoral reform" and to "meet up" with the new January date. They need to update the voters register, re-validate previous registered voters and employ people to do all of this. Sounds reasonable, does it not? Well, it would, if we were carrying out elections for the first time or our democracy was still "nascent"!!! In 1998, we spent the better part of our weekends standing in line to get registered as voters. Then even more time in the sun in the few months before the election re-validating that registration. On election day, we had to re-validate, again, before we could vote. In 2003, same process - I had to ask the INEC official who re-registered me what happened to the old register. She looked thoroughly confused and rep...

It seems like in the last 3 months I have spent more hours in the air than I have on terra firma. First it was the shuttling between Lagos and Benin when my Dad was ill and the period following his death and funeral. Then I committed to taking a young cousin to college in the US of A, in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love. Unfortunately I had neither the time nor the inclination to explore and find out exactly why it is so called. Meanwhile, I had, in my usual "plan-way-ahead" manner in mid-July, arranged a trip for October to visit my big Sis in her new home country of Trinidad (Yeah mon! The Islands!!!) spend two weeks in America and a few days in London before returning home. Man proposes, God disposes. It was way more travel time than I had bargained for! And in all of this, my children were left at home with their very capable and up-to-the-task Daddy, with darling Aunty Kareema nearby! So, now, as I am preparing for the journey back home, I have a firm resolut...

To my brothers and sisters - Ayo, Ovesi, Oziofu & Onimisi. We all cannot believe that Opani is not physically here with us any longer; that we cannot pick up the phone to call him, to tease him about him missing Mummy or to just ask him how he is and listen to his anecdotes about life. In the 30 days he's left us for that one way trip we all must make, we have been in shock and consumed with a myriad of emotions - sorrow, grief, panic, fear, joy, pride, regrets, confusion and gratitude. I doubt that any of us really believed we would ever have to do without him; that a day would come when we would have to talk about him in the past tense (I am still unable to do that though); that a time would come when we would have to rely solely on what he taught us because he would not be around to advise us on what choices to make. I know it sounds crazy, but we have to do away with the grief and the mourning. We have to remember who he was and what he would have said to us. I doubt he...

This is by Ovesi, brother mine. The grief & sorrow will ease, and as Yemi says, you will adjust to the "new" normal. I am beginning to understand what she meant. Love you, kid brother: I am not sure where to start. My Father, Opani “Tuturutu” Akerele (that was his preferred moniker) passed away on August the 5th 2010. I don’t know how to talk about it. I don’t know how to begin. I know how much I miss him. I know that a month later, I still cry myself to sleep some nights. I know that I still try to call him sometimes. I know that when I want to do something, his approval is still very important to me. I know that his text messages and voice-mails will forever be on my phones. I know that if I miss him this much my Mother misses him even more. I have read all kinds of articles about how to deal with the loss of a loved one and I am deeply disheartened by what I have read. I am scared that one day I will not remember the sound of his voice or his laugh. If that day eve...

This is from my big sister, Ayopo. Love you Sis. It is well!!! Today, or shall I say tonight, the 28th of August makes it 23 days since my daddy passed away. It is interesting how I refer to my father as daddy. While he was alive I only ever thought of him as Opani. Now, I think of him as daddy, a term often used by very young children to refer to their father. It is still like a nightmare to me you know. Opani, who defined my perception of males and relationships first before anyone else, is gone. My father was indeed (and in my mind will always be) a very special man. My first instinct when I remember he is no more physically here is still panic. How can it be? The vibrant, brilliant, kind-hearted, selfless disciplinarian who bore and raised me is no more. He taught us all about values. Honor, humility, honesty, courage and a kindness that is still unmatched today. He taught us early that you have to be secure in yourself to add value to any life, yours or someone else’s. He ta...

Life is a terminal illness that has only one end - death. I do not doubt that there is life after death, for, to doubt is to perish. To believe otherwise is to open a door to despondency, depression and sorrow. I have to believe that the death of this earthly body is the doorway to another life. That my father is somewhere else, learning wonderful things up there in the sky (or wherever heaven is). I hope he gets answers to all the questions he ever asked and could not find the answers to; revelations of the mysteries he pondered on; validation and affirmation of the things he believed in. And that, finally, he gets a working internet connection - his main beef with the mobile internet gadgets being sold by the telecoms companies was that they just did not work! He always said that he believed that there was heaven and there was hell but that God was so merciful that few, if any, people would be in hell. Now, it is 8pm and I reach for my phone to call my father, for it is at this...

"Mainbobo" is how my father's phone numbers are stored in my phone. Now he's gone. This morning at 4:35am, he moved on. He leaves behind a grieving family - both immediate and extended; and people whose lives he touched one way or another. My father has left us a legacy that, if we tried, we could never live up to. He taught us fairness - he believed firmly in being just; he made us self-sufficient and independent - to him, dependency was a disease that was terminal; he encouraged learning in every form - to him, knowledge was power and absolute. Today, August 5, 2010, my Mainbobo has gone to his rest in the hope of rising again on that last day. I know that though he was not perfect, he tried to do right by people. The good he did for others continues to come back to us a million-fold, in many different ways. It's just been hours and I miss him already. I cannot weep because I am yet to fully comprehend the extent of this loss. Who will I call in the morn...

As the title of this blog shows, I wrote this the day after a dear friend passed on. At the time, it was too painful to print. A year and a bit have gone by and, though the void created remains, I can now look at this piece and not be weepy. I lost a friend and a big sister yesterday. I cannot believe that I will not see her again or hear her voice on the phone, telling me that I'm just a lazy, spoilt girl and that she needs to tell Shola to stop indulging me. I am going to miss her dry sense of humour, her practical nature, her brief texts (she hated them) and her equally brief phone calls. I am so going to miss her. She'd been through a lot - the challenges of infertility, multiple and enlarged myomas - fibroids; spiritual issues, (she was told that she was an "ogbanje princess", complete with spirit husband and kids. A princess who decided that life in that world was no longer for her and so decided to find her way here.) For me, her telling me those stories ...

It's "Summer". That time of the year when, in temperate regions, the sun is warm, the weather is nice and often dry (as opposed to wet and rainy) or balmy with the heat (and sometimes humidity) and people dress skimpily, regardless of the "ampleness" of their girth, because they can. In the tropics, we do not have "summer" - the sun is almost always warm - yet we refer to the period of the months of June, July and August as "summer time". For us, those months are fraught with heavy rains and floods - what is "summery" about that? Our schools organize "summer camps" to make some money and to provide a place for those harried parents, who did not or could not "go for summer" abroad, to put the kids for some hours each day. Parents, who have no idea what they want the kids to do during the long holiday from school and do not want to worry about what lessons the nanny will teach the kids or what weird and inapprop...

10 Commonly confused words - http://www.merriam-webster.com/top-ten-lists/top-10-commonly-confused-words/affect-effect.html Principal/Principle - Is the person in charge of the school the principal or the principle? Flounder/Founder - If your ship fills with water and sinks, does it flounder of founder? Flaunt/Flout - If you treat convention with disdain, are you flaunting or flouting the rules? Desert/Dessert - If you receive appropriate punishment, did you get your just desert or just desserts? Flak/Flack - If you're receiving unfriendly criticism, are you taking flack or flak? It's/Its - The car wont start because its battery or it's battery wont start? Fewer/Less - Does the average American can family have less than two kids or fewer than two kids? Pore/Pour - When you're attentively studying, are you pouring over or poring over the materials? Stationary/Stationery - Did you buy writing paper in a store that sold stationary or stationery? Affect/Effect - ...

Do you know this person? This person staring back at you. Are those lines you see, discernible furrows crisscrossing the once smooth terrain of face? Can you tell what brought the hint of shadows into those eyes? Eyes that were always alight with laughter, chasing intending shadows into the oblivion of joyousness. Do you know this person? That worries about a myriad of matters; never mind that these things are not within their power to change. This person whose past haunts them like wisps of smoke lurking after a fire has been put out. Do they know that even if they could go back in time, they would probably be able to change things but they would still make mistakes that will make them sad with the knowledge of things gone past? Do you know this person? Full of dreams and hope for the future? Filled with the conviction that if they can just ride this present wave of disappointments and dearth, they will coast on to the shores of opportunity, hope and bounty. Do you know this per...

AAM - you know who you are! Last time we talked, you were off to Asia. This is a hello, hi, how are you doing message. Hope you are fine and your trip was all you expected it to be. I am following through on my threat/promise to write you via my blog! Ore mi atata, you feel I have become an exhibitionist because I have taken to blogging. I have never looked at it that way o. I just need an outlet for all the thoughts - silly and otherwise - that are in my head, so that my poor hubby does not run away from what would be my incessant chatter! And sometimes, when I blog, I make sense. Other times I bring laughter to someone or help another someone to hope. So, love to your spouse and don't be a stranger!

I have been away. Yes, I suppose it must seem like I have been away really often in the past few months! Anyway, this time I went off on a spiritual - not religious, please - jaunt. I am Catholic, so, that meant visiting Fatima, in Portugal, and Lourdes which is in France. Both these places have the apparition of the Virgin Mary in common, with Lourdes probably being the more popular of the two places - I could not believe the numbers there; there were literally hundreds of people at Lourdes, the infirm and the healthy, believers and non-believers, Catholics and non-Catholics. Yes, I prayed for you all. Yes I went alone (as usual). No, I did not bring back kegs of Holy Water - travel restrictions at airport security, remember? (Both places have springs that only started flowing at the times of the apparitions and at Lourdes especially, miraculous cures have been documented and thoroughly investigated BEFORE being proclaimed miraculous - contrary to what people may think, the Vatican...

D'banj must be the biggest thing in Nigeria since....well....since I don't know what! "I'm D'banj", his standard introduction line, delivered in a style that's funny, sexy and interesting all at the same time, amuses me no end. I heard his song "Why Me" for the first time while out on the town on my birthday. I had been away for months and totally out of the social loop, so I was really excited to be out on the town. So, there we were at this popular drinks/dance smoke filled bar, trying very hard to pretend that one did not mind the smoke (when you are in your late thirties, a smoke filled place does not strike you as 'interesting ambience' but more as "lung cancer"!) and basically just trying not to feel ancient next to the teeny bopper generation Y kids (why generation Y? That's another story!) who were busy gyrating and hopping (yep, hopping). Anyway, I am really trying not to stare and suddenly the music gets frantic ...

It seems there is so much death this year - earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, plane crashes, train accidents; I hear of people dying in their prime - usually from cancer. Across the globe, disaster after disaster crashing on the heels of each other. And it just slams home the fact that life is really really transient and calls to mind the question of whether or not there is life after this life we are living. There are some among us that would want us to believe that they KNOW where they are going after they leave this world - heaven. Yet these same people are nowhere near being kindhearted, spiritual, giving, loving or forgiving. Does going to church on Sundays count? Does praying the mandatory five times a day count? Do the rendering of vicious and vitriolic curses on "enemies" (never mind that one could be one's own enemy!) but paying tithes guarantee a pass through the Pearly Gates? Or does simply believing, without supporting GODLY actions (the terrorists who kill ...

I can call it that, right? Blogger's block. That's what I have had, probably still have. I have been unable to write anything for weeks now, and it's not for a dearth of subjects to write about. There's so much I want to say or moan about but I just cannot seem to get past the first second or third paragraph. I have my "saved drafts" folder filled with 2-paragraph articles that would be great - if I could finish them! Anyway, I will try to finish and post at least one - tomorrow, if the words will flow!

Went off for a month to the UK and the US of A for a family holiday. "Family holiday" is what everyone else calls it. Hubby & I call it the kids' holiday. Hubby says the kids were on holiday with their nannies - us! The kids are 32 months and 14 months respectively, so you have an idea of how much "holidaying" the parents did. My daughter, who I have nick-named "Queen" and "Commander-of-the-universe" does not like to be told "no" or refused anything. And she believes that our sole duty as parents is to make sure her every command and decree are carried out. My son (14 months), on the other hand, has no imperial bone in his body. He will simply deck you or cry you into submission. Once he gets his way, you get the most beatific smile as a reward. Plus, he will say "t'nk you"! I had the most interesting roles - mummy, nanny, house keeper, house maid, cook, chauffeur, doctor, nurse, wife, valet, personal shopper. ...

What do you do when you need to think; when you have a knotty issue you need to work out, or kinks in a plan that need to be sorted? For me, a task which requires little or no thought to carry out works best. Repetitive, monotonous, or something you've done so many times that you do not need to think about what you are doing - nothing that can distract me from my thought process. So, for me, I wash dishes, stacks of them. Or let me say I USED to. I've not been able to do that ever since we were able to afford domestic staff to deal with the otherwise distasteful household tasks involved in housekeeping (what? because I'm female I must like domesticity - cleaning, cooking etc that come with being a woman in our society? I don't think so!) I had to find something else. So, I tried taking walks but the scenery - people, vegetation, traffic, birds, God's awesomeness that is apparent in the world we live in but are too preoccupied and involved in the rat race to see a...

Hmmm. My darling brother (Bobo, you are my darling brother too!) thinks that "butt crack" exposition is equivalent to my wearing mini skirts in my youth. I quite disagree. Mini skirts expose the legs. These trousers expose the BUTT that's meant to be clad in UNDERWEAR (worn UNDER the clothes, abi?)Maybe if they wore nicer underwear or took more care of the skin on that region of their anatomies, it would not be that much of an issue for me. Mind you bro, I am not speaking of 16, 17, 18 or 19 year-olds: I refer to the 25-pushing-35 year-old ladies who do not get that "cute" or "young girl" cannot be their portion EVER again! It's bad on the teenagers, but they do have nice skin and at least wear panties that are not designed to make you want to get out your scissors and snip the ropes off the butts in question! They are wearing them out of a misguided fashion sense - they think it's "in" and "cool" to do so. The older ladi...

Hey Everyone, It's been a little over three weeks since my last blog. Bet most of you thought I was done with blogging! Sorry to disappoint you! It's just been a really busy and frustrating period. More about that another time. Today, I want to ask a question a gentleman put to me a few weeks ago. We were in the same vehicle, on our way from the Island to the Mainland. I'd noticed he was quite engrossed in the traffic going by and especially in the ladies on the "okadas"; I also noticed that he seemed pensive. Finally, he turned to me and asked 'Why do the ladies of now like to show their bum-bum?' His exact words, not mine. And, I honestly could not give him an answer to his question or disperse any of the puzzlement he very apparently felt! So, why do ladies (can they really be called ladies?) show their bum-bums? Why do they expose, so unabashedly, the crack of the butt or more? Is it some ancient mating ritual that (probably involving a dance whe...

You all probably wonder what happened to me over the holiday period. No, I did not travel to some exotic holiday location (though I visited Hawaii, Rio, Bali, Istanbul two consecutive nights in my dreams). I was without help - one nanny went off before the holiday period, purportedly to return on Boxing day. Well, it's January 6 and I have not seen or heard from her. The other staff went off on the 28th and are due back this evening. I have been cook, nanny, steward, odd-job man, jungle gym and clown for the last 10 days. Oh, I forgot mom and wife. In Nigeria, all women experience this at the yuletide "holiday" period. I am sure that as at this week, most of us are looking forward to nannies returning and children going back to school. And wondering if there is a holiday weekend coming up so we can escape somewhere, ALONE, for a few days. And if there's no holiday, can't we just not show up for work - call in sick - one friday or monday so we can take an extend...

Finally! 2010 is here. For Nigeria, we had a Vision 2010. Whatever happened to that? Oh, It's now Vision 2020. Oh well, at least we are awake to the reality of our "goal-post moving" nation. Remember the series "Space 1999"? How wrong could they have been? The future was supposed to be filled with flying vehicles (the kin accident wey go dey happen no go get part 2 o!), bubble covered cities, inter-galactic travel and inter-stellar conflicts. Well, cars are yet to fly, bubbles are still coming out of kiddie toys and inter-anything travel is still restricted to slogans on the sides of the danfo, coaster and hybrid buses you see on the highways! And, imagine the number of resolutions made in sober and drunk moments at the turn of the year. And, six days into the new year, how many of those resolutions are no longer resolutions but are now "something-I-will-do-next-year-God-willing" items? Or how many of them are even remembered? I don't make resol...

Much as I feel the anger toward the hapless Mr Abdulmutallab - after all, I'm Nigerian and a traveller too - I am wondering why we are all so surprised at America's reaction. They are well known for 'fire-brigade' approaches to terrorist incidents and for blanket punishment for any crime or threat committed or perceived. They have the "punish-the-whole-class-for-one-student's-misdemeanour' approach. The logic is to ensure the whole class police themselves! They have branded us "terrorist prone" NOT terrorists. They KNOW we are not terrorists but they have, for decades, been looking for an excuse to search us more thoroughly and humiliate us without consequences. Now, stupid, poor-little-rich-lonely-misunderstood wannabe suicide bomber boy (who did not have the good manners to die from his burns or something) has given them a great excuse. Unfortunately, America has the right to protect her shores, people and nation and anyone who CHOOSES to go ...